Self-harm...for attention? Possible.

I have my qualms about self-harm.
I think people are strong for trying to stop.
If they can’t, they’re strong too.
My personal opinions waver in certain situations, and that’s based on one occurrence with a person that self-harmed.
That person was Parker.
I think he is and will be the only person whom I believe self-harmed to get attention.
I only say that because I know firsthand what he was capable of.
I feel that he is capable of going to that extent to gain control over people.
He shared with me that the last time he cut himself was because his ex (before me) broke up with him after cheating on him, and he did it as a form of lashing out.
I still feel he was even suicidal for that same reason (attention), because he has no real control over anything but the physical. He tried to off himself a couple times but failed, but again, I feel that was the intent.

But oh well. That's some other girl's problem...or as I've heard around, more than one.

Closure/Exposure.

"Stop thinking of abusive men as having no self-control and start thinking of them as intelligent, strategic thinkers who strive for control over their partners. These men know what they are doing."


“Controllers, abusers and manipulative people don’t question themselves. They don’t ask themselves if the problem is them. They always say the problem is someone else.”

"[Emotional abuse] can leave the woman wondering if the pain is worth the good times, and even wondering if this is as good as it gets? What if there isn’t anything better? When he distorts the past and blames you for the relationship problems, you may even feel like you are going crazy, and he will certainly do everything he can to imply that you ARE. The truth is, there IS something better. You don’t have to put up with a relationship where you are treated poorly, with disrespect, or emotional cruelty, no matter how infrequent those acts are. And of course, when you do get upset, the abuser will infer that you are overreacting, or “too sensitive”."

"Emotional abusers deny that they have any problems and/or project their problems onto their partner, often accusing their partners of abuse - especially AFTER the partner has woken up and called the abuser on his behavior."

Parker, I wish you were dead. You creep on girls 18 and under. I worked with one of them. You took advantage of my character and took more from me than you could ever understand.

You carry no guilt over any of it. You are POISON. And for your sake, you better hope you never see me in person again.

24

A poem in the style of a birthday card inside-message, for my abuser.

24

Your special day! Today you win.

It's all about you, like it's always been. 

You're celebrated for one side, 

But the more true you is one you hide--

A selfish, dishonest usurper, you.

That's the part of you that only I knew.

The worst guy who just sat when I cried,

And took away my sense of pride.

You knew what you were doing, too;

When you made me a part of you.

Did you like playing all those games?

Did it feel good to make me the blame?

Well, this is for you! A day of guilt-free fun.

But you're still an abuser when it's all done.

No amount of therapy can change any of it; 

So happy birthday, you piece of shit.

"Being your pawn; your idea of a better you sounds great once you forget you are dating a REAL person, with REAL feelings." One of the pages of my zine documenting the emotional abuse in my past relationship. I'm so excited to be almost done!